FLYING TWATWAFFLES (paramonium) wrote in skagstories,

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Chapter 4: Matzilla's Movie Collection

They walked away as Matzilla slowly dissolved in Arrontron's vaginal secretions. They came to Matzilla's towering movie collection, which completely blocked the way ahead.

"Nicole, what are we to do?" Joe asked, raising his hand to his forehead. He leaned on Nicole for moral support and she punched him hard in the face.

"I think we'll have to climb, Joe." Nicole answered. They did, and it was tricky because the dvds kept sliding around under their feet. About halfway up the pile, they came upon a cluster of family films. The films, sensing Joe and Nicole's uncleanliness, summoned reinforcements and instantly they were surrounded by a mob of angry soccer moms that chanted biblical phrases and had tattoos of jesus fish all over their bodies. Most of them were pregnant and all of them were blocking their way!

"You can't go any further!" one soccer mom told them, her stomach sloshing back and forth with the weight of her child. "Not until you accept Jesus into your life as your master and surrender yourselves to him completely!"

Joe asked them, "Can I still have butt sex and be friends with Jesus?"

The soccer moms all gasped and a couple had instant miscarriages, praising Jesus and asking him for guidance. The main mom pointed at Joe angrily, her arm skin flopping around like a sack of dead fish.
"SODOMITES!" She screamed at them, while Nicole rolled her eyes, "YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT TO JEAN HILL'S PANTIES!"

Then the soccer moms parted and from deep in the cave came a low rumbling that was getting louder. Joe clung to Nicole out of fear, who punched him in the face six times until he let go. Headlights washed over them and the biggest SUV in existence drove over the top of the movie pile, pointing straight at them! It was driven by another soccer mom who was talking on a cell phone and steering with her knees, while eighteen retarded, hyperactive children tried to cram into the vehicle and ended up hanging out the windows. Jesus fish and support-the-war stickers covered almost every inch of it.

The SUV's engine revved and spewed eight gallons of gasoline smoke into the air, and then it started coming at them full-speed!

Joe exclaimed "OMFG!1" and started crying. Nicole, keeping her calm, screamed at him to sit. Joe instantly sat down and Nicole picked him up and shook him at the SUV, sending gay dust in the air toward it. The SUV drove through the gay dust, turning the soccer mom into a raging, angry lesbian, turning the children into dogs, turning the Jesus stickers into John Kerry '04 stickers, and turning the SUV into a semi truck. She turned the wheel to point it at the pregnant soccer mom mob, and screamed "BREEDERS! I'LL TEACH YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH MEN!" before she drove over them all.

The bull dyke gave Joe and Nicole a thumbs-up sign as she drove past, and they cheered for her and thanked her for her help before she drove away to make it to the rugby match on time.

With the soccer moms dead and the family films section taken care of, Joe and Nicole made it past the enormous movie pile and ventured deeper into the cave.
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